It's 7 a.m. havent had any sleep & this is what i feel like doing

the last stv class & 'the man who panted trees'

some might say that social technology a.k.a STV 100 is boring, some might say it's all about writing essay's, some might say its just one of those courses on the list, I'll definitely agree to that albeit i'll put forward the notion that it is probably one course which I have really and truly found interesting till the very end. It's amazing how 2 words such as social & technology can related to each other so much that you can give 10-15 lectures on it and the interdependence between the 2 allows you to relate to topics which you think about almost everyday. So much said, I think some of the documentaries shown in this course where Fant-bu-lous. One them which I would certainly want to remm. for the rest of my life is,' the man who planted trees'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T2a4ti6uLMg
it not only truly defines progress but also somewhat showed me one of the true reasons of human existence, why worshiping and running after god wasn't required when godlike character's existed within us. I think i would like to keep this as a memory for the rest of my life.

The walk

this is my first post since i entered 2B and to sum up things, its not been fun at all. Things have just not turned out the way i wanted them to be. I'm jobless at this point, depressed to quite an extent and quite sure that i'm failing at least one of the 5 midterms i wrote, the number could increase too. But todays walk made me realize quite a lot of things, which probably where really important to realize.
On my left was kenan and my right some brown guy who's name i don't know. But this brown guy has failed a term and has brains as much as me, i'm quite certain about that. So we were walking back from the 222 tutorial and i was blabbering about how I had failed to get a job in the first round .We went on talking about courses and how harder was rushing through the 204 course. I told then that my current situation was not that great and i might end up failing. The brown guy looked at me and said don't think about that. It's real not a good idea to fail, he went on saying how emotionally and psychologically challenged you become once you fail. He told me that he had failed by 0.8% and it wasn't really the greatest time of his life. I kind of agree to that, I remm. how i felt in 1B and how i had promised myself to never give up. Suddenly his small 2 lines of speech made me want and the eagerness to pass all over again. I hope this stays. And I find a job soon enough, I really don't want to spend time giving interviews and killing my time table with something which so irrelevant. I think the next few weeks are go'no test my management skill to the extreme. I must give it my best and imagine everyday to be a new war which i must win.
"failure is not an option"

basic things which u like when u go high

so basically baat aisi hai ki ji,
i'll be reading this when i'm not high, compared to when i'm high.

So what up blog, fees so good to do things which are sometimes amazing.

the last turn

June 22nd, 2004.Talkatora Stadium, New Delhi.

I was wearing a white t-shit with orange colored shoulders, standing in front of lane 6. I had the 3rd best time in the 100m breast stroke trails. I knew the final race would take all that I had within myself.
For last one year I had been training with Ray, my swimming coach, for that very moment. He was now sitting in the stands eating peanuts. He was the first person who had taught me how to channelize my anger so elegantly, so beautifully. The water had taught me one very big lesson, silence was the greatest pleasure man could every get. The water took all my anger every day and when I was tired after the 2-4 hour work-out, it always talked to me, telling me to keep moving, to keep learning.
The first whistle was blown, I climbed up on the start podium. I made my blood rush, made it reach all parts, made it as passionate as I could & then took a deep breath. Let everything freeze,
let the memories flash in my head and opened my ears wide for that single gun shot.
14s into the race I was going strong, building up so much anger in my body so that I could finish the race, I was going too fast.
As soon as I reached the 50m, I turned but took more time to glide than ever before. The guy in lane 5 had just made the turn, all his back-water just made it impossible for me to glide. I struggled. I pulled as hard as I could, every last breath was making my body ache. My body was screaming, but my anger at my own self was growing. The anger seeing the guy next to me going a second ahead of me, made me push harder & harder. But then, I stopped, it was done, I had lost by 0.03 seconds.
I got out of the water, looked at ray, and never said good-bye.

Since ,then I've never allowed that anger to surface ever again. I've always thought there is a better way to resolve things than letting anger decide your destiny.

But then sometimes I feel that there is a need to fight, need to allow that anger to burn, let that anger accomplish my destiny.

The Dream --I just wanted this to be a memory-- thats why i'm posting it..

I have this dream which I can right about only while i close my eyes and type in this mystified fashion, but it has to be done, if i want to tell you about it .

I see this boy reaching for the edge of top of my house. This edge is between my house and my neighbor's house. Till now i've been able to decipher each detail of the dream, except for the emotions on the face of the person in the dream. .I sometimes see my face but then i wake up and convince my self that it's not me.

The person goes to the edge of the roof and them breaths, breaths all the air his lungs can absorb. He lets everything flow through his head, all emotions all feelings and then turns his back and falls. falls freely, without caring about the world , without caring what the world thinks about him, without caring about anything. he makes one summer-salt and then he puts his feet towards the ground and just when his toe touches the ground , the ground rises like a peak, the peak shaped ground lifts him up in the air again, but the peak only touches his toe, while balancing him like a balllet dancer. And then the wind blows and far in the pacific ocean, the water swirls up and rises up in a vague manner , it's almost like a water cyclone, it rises and stretches out and reaches the person, near the house. but it only touches the tip of his finger, it touches him as if transferring all the energy of the water through his fingers, and then the wind swirls up too, as if the element wants and feels it's obligation to follow the others. It swirls and touches the left hand of the person. Then the sun feels his need to follow and sends a heat wave or a solar swirl all the way, which reaches the earth and makes his obligations and connects with the person and makes the person to open his mouth and the person breaths it, it's an inspirational scene a perceptional mating of the four elements. far beyond the imagination of human kind. And then it's as if a connection is made. A meaning, an aim of existence is found.