June 22nd, 2004.Talkatora Stadium, New Delhi.
I was wearing a white t-shit with orange colored shoulders, standing in front of lane 6. I had the 3rd best time in the 100m breast stroke trails. I knew the final race would take all that I had within myself.
For last one year I had been training with Ray, my swimming coach, for that very moment. He was now sitting in the stands eating peanuts. He was the first person who had taught me how to channelize my anger so elegantly, so beautifully. The water had taught me one very big lesson, silence was the greatest pleasure man could every get. The water took all my anger every day and when I was tired after the 2-4 hour work-out, it always talked to me, telling me to keep moving, to keep learning.
The first whistle was blown, I climbed up on the start podium. I made my blood rush, made it reach all parts, made it as passionate as I could & then took a deep breath. Let everything freeze,
let the memories flash in my head and opened my ears wide for that single gun shot.
14s into the race I was going strong, building up so much anger in my body so that I could finish the race, I was going too fast.
As soon as I reached the 50m, I turned but took more time to glide than ever before. The guy in lane 5 had just made the turn, all his back-water just made it impossible for me to glide. I struggled. I pulled as hard as I could, every last breath was making my body ache. My body was screaming, but my anger at my own self was growing. The anger seeing the guy next to me going a second ahead of me, made me push harder & harder. But then, I stopped, it was done, I had lost by 0.03 seconds.
I got out of the water, looked at ray, and never said good-bye.
Since ,then I've never allowed that anger to surface ever again. I've always thought there is a better way to resolve things than letting anger decide your destiny.
But then sometimes I feel that there is a need to fight, need to allow that anger to burn, let that anger accomplish my destiny.
