what do i know about my self

i don't know why i have written the titale as what i have written but i have just written it,, so don't ask..
this is first post after reaching the university and also my first blog after i got my macbook. So first and foremost "WINDOWS SUCKS,MICROSOFT IS COW"S AND BULL"S SHIT ( combined) into nth power of nth, " BILL GATES IS A COPY cat, cheater and ya
STEVE JOB ROCKS!"
well to sum up my lfe today university rock's, university life sucks, and doing assignments without actually copying them from u'r friends assignments sucks big-time, i mean BIG time....
anyways today i'm blogging because i'm sad. i know i need to study maths 115-so called row echlon form of reduction and gauss's elimination theorum for solving matrices and so on... but i'm just sitting on floor and lissing to songs...
( and i guess i just realized, while writting this, that i'm writting this blog because i think i want this to remm. it for the rest of my life,,i don't know why,,probably becuase ambitious people love to paste emotional posters on their wall's,,for god knows what reason, but i think it's true)
i called up d.g. today i know it was six in the morning their time but i gues that is the usual time when the world speaks truth..
so i spent first few minutes makng d.g. realize that it wa me which was not which something which happens quite often.
then came the truth from d.g. which i don't know when but i guess i only remm. those word's. she said that mujhe delhi aur apne friends ki yaad nahi aati, i'm busy doing my assignments and she tell me it happens that u get busy with u'r life when u reach a university. i kind of knew this fact even beofer she actually said but a practical man like me failed to understand the practicallity on these words.
i don't know why i am so ambitious about my life and why i left india and thought that i can achieve things voer here and help the people who i saw everyday at the chirag delhi red light begging and half the population of india which sleeps homeless and without food everyday.
i don't know how i'm ever go'no succced in my mission or whether it is going to happen ever or not. i don't know if all those predictions made by pandits are true or not, or whether i will be a successful man or not,, but i know that i chose this becuase "I" felt that this was the right way which i wanted to follow.
although i knew that i would be hard for me to keep up with shreya once i reach canada and it would be impossible for me to tell her actually what and how i thought about her becuase i knew that it was never go'no happen that way.
but i thought never thought that she would say such things so soon. well, i guess probably that is what and how it happens to a man who is ambitious.
I don't know whether i'm making any sense in this post or whether it would be worth reading again in my life but i just wanted to write this today. becuase this lamp which i am writting this post under is giving me enough light to write and this song from "rock on" is motivating me enough is motivating me enough to do it, probably yes that is the reason or probably not.
well, i just miss jeff and Bruno a lot..
i just want to hold them in my elbows and squeez them and flick of their hair's from my hands...
get well soon jeff,, and ya bruno i want to kiss u one more time.. please wait for me...and forgive me if u can....
and ya i to make sense in the end i will pos the first photo of my macbook,,,
presenting the macbook box: what did u think i would paste a photo of my macbook,,are u crazy!

happy day blow- off's

so today on my birthday i've decided to write something rather unusual. on everyone's birthday their's something or the other which they either screw up or they hate the thing like hell. so i bring forward my 18 years of disastrous situations on a birthday.
1)starting with this year '08- my muasi calls me up on 2nd may and wishes me birthday.
i have exams on both 4th and 5th, how shit can that be.
AND THIS LINE WILL BE FILLED LATER WHEN THE DAY FINISHES.
2)may 3 , 07' - a sad b'day. no party.. only a small cake. no friends. no gifts either.
3)may 3, '06 - i spend the day in a old age home.return back home tired.
small party but dad comes late at night, and yes he forget to say happy b'day.
4) may 3, '05 - i'm in uttaranchal(uttarkhand) i enter badrinath at exactly the
same time when i was born.(this actually was good, the sad part comes now). the place has real sad hotel's. so no cake and dal chawal and sabji for dinner.
5)may 3 ,04' - good day at school. party in nirula's.got gifts. so basically overall good b'day.
6)may 3, '03 -my dad is asked to go and pick up the cake
. he wrote my sisters name instead of mine on the cake.
as in the cake spelled "HAPPY B'DAY AKANKSHA" instead of u know what.no great dinner and sad presents, as in clothes and cash.
7)may 3, '02 -sad day again. a stupid present and not that great cake either.
6)may 3, '01 -----------------------------------------------forgot


the rest of them i dnt remm.

DIFFERENCE

at this stage of life when you dont have much time left to make decisions and change the actions which you have already done. i sit alone and wonder something different. and amazing i come up with a conclusion, that their are three types of people in this world
1) people who really dont care about the world or themselves. they just live for minor or intermediate satisfaction, as in they live for things like sex, drugs or just some thing very minor.
2)people who like to live the way in which the rest of the world is living. somewhat most of the indian parents who just want their kids to be engineer's or doctors' from iit or aiims. they are the one's who just feel safe in a heard, they never believe in changing the system or becoming above it they just believe in living in it.
3) the one's who are unique. as in the people who the world calls as fools. these are people who don't think in the way the world wants them to think but think in a way the rest of the world fails to think. i really don't know where you find them.
i'm speaking of all this bec'z today i was caught up in a very unusual situation.
while going for a usual jog in the nursery i pass through a place known as asian market. morever the market is no more a place to wander as u have a pretty big liquor shop , so these days u just find drunk people wandering all about the place.
so while i was walking past this place i saw two flat people( as in totally drunk,"TALLI") people lying on the ground near the bus stand and one of them was bleeding from his mouth and the other had pee'ed in his pants. this place has two bus stops, as in one is the old one and the new improved one. so as these 2 where lying in the new bus stop the rest of the public was standing on the old bus sop ignoring the two. first when i saw them, i was shocked as one of them was bleeding from his mouth and the rest of the world didn't even bother to turn their head around and see them.
i went close to the person who was bleeding and holding my breath checked his pulse. and trust me i was shocked when i didn't find any. and by this time a driver of DTC who had just stopped his empty DTC bus next to the stop came upto me and asked whether the man was alive. i said in a shivering tone "mujhe nahi lagta". i asked him if he had a phone
and luckily he did. i dailed 100 and told them about the situation and the unconscious(or probably dead) man. i was too scared to check the other one's pulse. it was about 6:45 when i had called the police. and then immediately i asked the bus driver if he had water. he didn't, so we together managed to stop a car and ask for water. by this time we had managed to gather SOME attention of the public of the people standing on the adjacent bus stop. i poured a little drops of water on the first man, i didn't work. no pulse yet. i dropped the whole water, his finger moved. finally he was alive. it was 7:10, by now. no clue of the police or the ambulance, anywhere. we got some more water and moved the man, as in turned his over. still no one came forward except for me and the bus driver. the man finally open his eyes, what was blabbering which had to happen as he was extremely drunk. i went on to the second man and he was breathing. we poured some water and he reacted.by this time i had already given a second call to the police and th ambulance. but no sign of them. it was 7:30 by now. me and the driver waited ten more minutes, till approx. 7:45. but in the end gave up as no police wan had appeared but then the men were still breathing.
i went on to jog and tried to figure out what had just happened. imagine a scenario where police turns up after an hour from when you had called it or just does not turn up at all. i mean some people had no value of their life, as in the world just does not seem to care. i know they were drunk but for god sake they were humans. but at least their i had found one unique person like the dtc bus driver who had come forward and helped them. their was the one who i thought belonged to the third category and was UNIQUE.

my 17 years of life

today i wanted to write all what i've done in these 17 years. i don't know why but probably because school life is coming to end.so i 've decided to write everything in the form of a poem or whatever u may call it.

so my life began in this nursery class,
with three special friends and a girl,
me,s and h.
i was crazy but intelligent kid back then,
never giving up and strongest among all was the moto,
life was at it's best, maggi in lunch and nothing to learn.
and here was where i met my first love,
her scintillating eyes i never forget them,
and her being my best friend was another best part of it
i still remember the early days, where i was standing behind a tent
and was seeing only her and nothing else.
with music all around, i kissed her.

then came the 5th class where the wizard showed
me new ways. i lion never understood courage.
the first love was no more there and the best friends
were no more to talk to any more.
but i loved the days of karan me and arjun hanging out,
explaining the not to fascinating truths of life to each other,
from what fuck meant to symbols which probably
we were to young to use.

then came sixth. one class i'll always remm,
the summer where i learnt who i was,
i wasn't what the mirror showed me ,i
was all alone , and all that anger and rage i generated,
i puked it all while i was in water,
while using every part of my body i ran on water
and studied like my father.
and life went on, with changing friends and no more
love for girls and, with new discoveries came one,
of my mcdonald friend going out with my first love,
i thought of nothing new.

i made new friends d.g. being one of them,
and went to parties where i just sat in corner's with only d.g.
to talk to, but life sucked.
them came class 8th where i saw friends coming to me,
and then came sanskrit classes. i hated them
but i wasn't alone. there were many..
but soon the classes become violin classes i sat
at the last benches with karan and looking at that beautiful
girl, never was anything more beautiful.
but with every +ive charge came a negative one,
she was studious and although sanskrit classes
where full of them but exceptions like me always existed,
she asked and i listened the questions but finding answers was
tough you see.
then came those days when proposals where in fashion,
i did one, but studies were important to some,
first steps where taken without any to follow.
i was broken and decided that shells have beautiful colours than the beautiful sky.
and then best friends like R drifted. i met vampires like deepika
tried to shut up, but she never let you do that too.
then their was FTC another of those tuition surroundings,
but motivation was what i found underneath it all.
i saw the photo's hanging on the walls and wanted to be one of them,
and i did it.

then their where accomplishments to make,
mun i heard a lot about it and seen it too.
so exun and mun came but each had their own
sufferings to give.
one never understood who i was and what i wanted to give it,
the other i did win but also ran away from it.
i experienced many changes and discovered
that a 80 g.b. hardisk and DVD could also be used in different ways.
so by the end i made trips to a fantasy world.
where i puked out my darkest secrets
but probably people who i thought as, partner's ,
are meant to stab you when you least expect them.
so i gathered myself and was still fascinated
with the beautiful girl when she passed by me.
pianos never stop do they.

then came those days when d.g. thought i was not being myself,
i i agreed i tried to get back, i tried. but was never ever able to leave what i had started
but then i made my best friend, where bunking was the key and the solution
which was respected.
i never looked back and thought over, but then everything came back,
all scribbled on my shirt, even those who i never thought would.
and now i sit and write about everything and hope
the piano someday turns into a violin and i discover
who i am.